Monday, January 21, 2008

Still in playback

I'm certain this is because I've been having conversations with an old friend about where we both used to live, but now I'm dreaming about Bluefield. So far, it's been about driving the roads and the one gourmet food store in town, but not about any of the people.

After I left Mercer County, I did what I could to forget about the place. A friend of mine had an art showing at Concord College five years ago and I stopped by on my way to Virginia. That was about it. I've passed through Mercer County a couple of times a year, but never visited. I've never made that right turn that would lead me back to Bluefield.

Leaving Bluefield was like every other bad break-up I've had. It's all dark. I have a hard time remembering much good about the town. Much of my feelings about the place are tied to a doomed and damned romance, another case of the nice guy with no sense and the sweet girl who couldn't tell the truth.

The short version is right after my first marriage ended, I fell for a co-worker. It was very intense for me and I doggedly pursued the thing, but I really wasn't her type. While she and I had some similar interests and we had some laughs, it never really worked on her end of things. I wasn't rugged enough or pretty enough or whatever. I just wasn't, but she probably could have mentioned that earlier. In stead, she strung me along for almost two years, sent me mixed messages, encouraged me in little ways, but never really owned up to the truth. The usual line given was she needed time to sort things out, to find time for something to really get started with us.

I was a lunkhead, an unattractive lunkhead apparently.

The story sucks, particularly the ending, but I moved on and while I don't think a lot about what happened between her and me, I still have problems with portions of it, even though all that is left of my feelings is an empty bitterness. This may explain why I'm not dreaming about anybody particular from down that way. The best I can still manage is to think about where I used to get a pretty decent sandwich.

The sandwich was rare roast beef with baby Swiss and a sweet vidalia relish. I got it with creamy horse radish sauce. It was amazing.

Anyway, this relates to a theme of me remembering things lately. It's really starting to feel like my life is flashing before my eyes. It may only be coincidence, but as I was even thinking about writing all of this, I got "a getting to know you" quiz from an old high school friend.

It's all very strange to me.


Evil Twin's Wife said...

I think it's good to reflect on past memories, good or bad to help your mind sort thru it and then move on. Therapeutic, I spose.

My mom and dad are both buried in Bluefield, VA. Not exactly my fave place to visit, either.

Rebecca Burch said...

I agree with ETW. It is good to reflect.

I have a sad relationship with that area, too. I went to Concord for a term and met my soulmate -- who then died in a mysterious accident and sparked a domino-trail of bad events that I almost didn't recover from. What is it about that area?!?!

Anyway, I came over here because I nominated you for a blog award. Check it out: