Blood: Crucial Conversations

"So, who's the most famous person you've talked to?"

"Well, the very, very most famous person or the person I think you've heard of?"

Slightly annoyed. "Whoever."

"Probably, Tim McGraw, George Jones and Carrie Underwood. We get a lot of country shows here."

The tech nods quickly. He understands.

"But some rock and rap and stuff. Probably not Sheryl Crow. She's coming to town."

"Why not?"

"She's a millionaire. That's usually reason enough."

"Bitch."

Um... Well, no, but it is annoying.

"Who else?"

"Um, Martin Short, Sam Trammell --he's a local, Chelsea Handler and a couple of guys who've played vampires in movies."

"Really? Wow. You know who you should talk to?"

I shake my head.

"Darius Rucker."

"Oh, did that. He was here with Rascal Flatts, what six or seven months ago, maybe more? Nice guy. We talked about Jessica Simpson and getting fat."

"You really should talk to Tyler Perry."

A brief moment.

"I would love to talk to Tyler Perry." Even though I have never seen any of his films and sometimes confuse him with Steve Harvey. "He's accomplished a lot and in his own weird way is kind of an outsider to the mainstream."

"He's never done a play here."

Huh?

"He's done plays in Ohio, but never anything here."

What this has to do with anything is beyond me.

"Um, yeah, but I can't actually bring him here."

Abrupt change of subject. "How do you get these guys to talk to you?"

"I contact their publicist through their website. I call the record label. Sometimes the theater can help. "

"Really?"

Yes. It is that easy. Anybody can do this. Just nobody really wants to.

I nod and from the look on his face, I just had a three minute conversation with someone who believes my job is largely a figment of my imagination. He sends me to the back anyway. You can be crazy and donate and at least, I'm the funny kind of crazy and harmless.

It may be the nicest thing anyone has thought about me all day.