Friday, September 24, 2010

Blood: Commune

"So, what's the problem with people in jail?" I asked the tech. "The computer screen says if you've been in jail longer than three days, it could be a problem."

Since I've been doing this little fun project for a couple of months now, I've been asking more questions lately --about the finer points of who they take and why --and what happens when certain policies are not followed.

"Well," she said. "It's about close quarters and institutional living, you know? Sharing toilets and space." Not to mention the frequently mentioned sodomy that supposedly takes place on a nightly basis in your better jails. "It has to do with being exposed to blood born diseases like HIV and hepatitis. That's why we don't take people who are from shelters either."

I nodded, but thought, if that's the reason, you probably shouldn't take college kids from freshman dorms (have you seen these things?), but instead asked her about communes.

"What if I started a commune?" I asked. "The whole free love and everybody shares thing was pretty popular. It could be looking at a comeback."

She looked at the title of the book in my hand: "Droppers: America's First Hippie Commune, Drop City."

She seemed stricken. What the fuck?

"You want to start a commune?"

Very slowly, so she would understand, I said, "No."

She laughed. Oh, I'm just some silly asshole, but the thought seemed to cross her mind --what if? What about the fucking hippies? They're a dirty bunch, aren't they?

Maybe she'd share the story during their staff meeting, get clarification from the board or something. It would have to beat another round of weighing the strengths and weaknesses of the plot arcs from season to season of the WB's "Charmed."

Meanwhile, I think it's time I upped the jeopardy --and the fun! They're pretty serious about eating and drinking before you bleed, but I'm wondering what happens if you're on a liquid diet? Would that be safe or would I drop over like a housefly? Inquiring minds wanna know.

This might take some doing. I might have to try a couple different ones for several days before I see any results, but I've been meaning to step up my weight loss plan. Besides, it's been a while since I've passed out. What better place than among trained medical professionals?

I'd try drugs and alcohol, but many others have already explored the fertile ground of weird chemicals and public inebriation. I don't think I'd have anything new to add.


Autumn Dawn said...

I recommend the Hollywood 48h Miracle diet. Sure to leave you in a swoon by hour 35.

primalscreamx said...

I'll probably start with Slimfast then move on to more elaborate plans.

Autumn Dawn said...

I can also recommend the Miracle Cleanse but it is 10 days of lemon water w/ hot pepper and a gallon of salt water every AM. You really have to work up to it, by day 8 it will cause hallucinations. PS after salt water don't stray too far from potty...