Saturday, February 12, 2011

bliss: Mumbo Jumbo

I wish magic worked.

I wish Tarot Cards and tea leaves and making your decisions based on Babylonian star charts worked. I wish crystals held in your hands and pointed at the sun somehow imbued us all with new vitality. I wish secret symbols, odd combinations of 11 herbs and spices, incantations and esoteric hand gestures called forth answers from the hidden pages of the mystic universe.

I wish there were answers to prayers. I wish that every day. Everybody needs someone to talk to, but it's tragic if the only person you can speak honestly to is yourself.

I wish there were demons, goblins, pixies, sprites, unicorns and angels. I wish gods walked the earth or at least rode the bus like one of us. I wish Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny were duly deputized representatives of the divinity, with regular business hours and payrolls to meet.

I wish the spiritual commerce of sacrifices, be they by blood, money or breakfast, provided boons, rewards and special requests. Please allow six to eight weeks for delivery.

I wish bliss was obtainable in a single lifetime. I wish enlightenment could be picked up like a lucky penny off the street.

I wish reincarnation operated on a stick shift, like a doorbell or a speed dial. It would be nice to order your next life like you order pizza.

I wish you could have fuck to religious music without feeling ridiculous, if not particularly dirty.

I wish holy scripture contained fewer parables and fables and more word searches and drink recipes.

I wish the stores weren't all sold out of heaven. Hell, of course, is always in stock and available in diet, caffeine-free and with lemon. You can also get it in cans, bottles and the convenient party ball.

I wish fortune contained actual winning lottery numbers and we all became millionaires after we had egg rolls.

I wish my spirit animal wasn't Wile E. Coyote.

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