Friday, November 5, 2010


I like feeling useful. I love that people need me. It's nice having a purpose, but sometimes, I think, having a purpose, being necessary, is kind of a trap. Call it a bizarre insight brought about by a coal company billboard, but no one really does think about who keeps the lights on, regardless of what kind of light is needed.

Is that cryptic? Probably.

You take a label, a role and that becomes who you are. It becomes all that you are and eventually, the only thing that matters is you perform that role, do your job to the best of your ability --or not. Sometimes the role is for you to fail. Sometimes you're expected not to live up to the expectation.

There is no escape and in a way, you cease to be what you are and become only what someone else wants you to be, what each person wants you to be and really not what you are or want to be. It's not all bad. The role may even sound like the best part of you, even the part you admire, but it's still sort of phony. If you're lucky, you don't notice or you try not to think about it much.

Gloomy thoughts on a cold and gloomy day. I could use some sunlight and warmth.

Just one of my turns coming on.

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