Tabula Rasa

The neighbor next door keeps the shade drawn on her kitchen window. I think that's because she caught me taking a leak out on the lawn --a couple of times.

In my defense: It is my lawn.

In my defense: It was dark and there are trees separating our properties.

In my defense: I never did it very often. 

In my defense: I tried to be discrete.

But at three, four or five in the morning, with two dogs taking their sweet time to pinch one off (the little one is the worst), I've occasionally made for the back corner of the house and a well-placed shrubbery. There might have been a time when I didn't even make it that far, but I've always turned my back to the light.

I suspect she thinks I'm a drunk. Who else but a drunk would piss out in his front yard?

A guy with two dogs.

To be sure, there was no going to the bathroom before the dogs went outside. If you did that and you'd be sponging up a puddle from the carpet or ,just as bad, one of them would make a run for the back room and take a dump on whatever looked particularly inviting --the stone floor in front of the fireplace, the laundry stacked in a basket, the couch.


It's better now. The little dog has gained some measure of control and can now wait those important 30 seconds it takes for me to empty my bladder before going outside.

This is a small, but important victory.

There haven't been a lot of victories out here in the sticks.